“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” the fourth installment of the Disney series, is everything you’d expect from a big-budget, action-adventure film. The scenery is lush, the costumes are impeccable, the action sequences are epic and Johnny Depp is still hot (and dirty).
It’s also kinda boring.
For those not familiar with “Pirates,” let me catch you up to speed. Johnny Depp is Captain Jack Sparrow, a saucy pirate with a thirst for trouble. When we first met Jack, he was battling his former first-mate, Captain Barbossa, for command of his precious vessel, The Black Pearl. There was lots of fighting, blah, blah, blah, Jack meets his Dad, Bootstrap Bill, blah, blah, blah, Kiera Knightley and Orlando Bloom get married, blah, blah, blah. And ... yep. That’s it.
Ok, so when we once again meet up with Captain Jack he has just arrived in London town, and he’s looking to acquire a ship, now that the Black Pearl has been lost. But there are rumors afoot; rumors about Captain Jack already assembling a crew. And that must mean one thing: An imposter.
Enter the luscious Penelope Cruz, a.k.a. the only thing that makes this movie remotely entertaining. If not for Cruz, the daughter and first-mate of the infamous Blackbeard (Ian McShane), the film would just be a series of mildly-entertaining sword fights. Cruz helps infuse the plot with heart, humor and more than a little sexiness.
Angelica Malon (Cruz) is a scorned lover of Jack’s who forces him to guide her and Blackbeard’s crew to Ponce de Leon’s mythical Fountain of Youth. But they’re not the only ones after life everlasting. Captain Barbossa, now with the Royal Navy, and the Spanish Armada are right behind them. What follows is a plodding, lengthy journey to an obvious ending. Much could have easily been lost to the cutting room floor, and I’m fairly sure no one would have missed it.
As a righteous clergyman, Sam Claflin (Philip) gives one of the only other notable performances in the bunch. But even his cross-species love for an ethereal mermaid can’t make this film anything more than a forgettable installment in an already bloated series.
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